Free Therapy Journal Prompts
To help you cope with and heal from narcissistic parents.
FREE RESOURCE: Sort out your feelings in a safe space with our supplemental therapy journal prompts.
Hi again, it's me, Anna!
I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in helping you deal with your emotionally-immature or narcissistic parents.
While this is not a diagnostic tool, we have framed this information to be viewed as a spectrum of symptoms or traits that range from mild-to-severe.
Let’s talk about empowering yourself with these top coping skills to help you survive your narcissistic or high conflict parent.
Don’t Please the Unpleasable.
Start by setting small boundaries. You’ve likely spent years trying everything you could think of to deal with your difficult parent and may be feeling frustrated or a little burned-out. The goal for these new coping skills is to gently release the idea of perfection. Progress looks different for each of us. You might not be getting the results you had hoped for, or maybe you feel like you should “feel better” by now.
If you’ve worked for years trying to stay on “the good side” of a high conflict parent, then you might find yourself avoiding conflict in your other relationships.
It’s important to recognize that your parents’ narcissistic behavior is out of your control.
Just trying to get along with a high conflict parent can leave you feeling exhausted.
They may use tactics that blame you for the conflict, demanding you conform to their unrealistic and fickle standards. They may threaten to end your relationship if you do not change.
Coping Skill: Take a Step BACK.
Take a moment to consider the effort you have put in to please this emotionally-immature, high conflict person. Where can you pull back? Do you have to run that errand for them? Are mandatory Friday night dinners necessary? Find a small way where you can reclaim your time, whatever that may look like for you.
This is one way you can empower yourself to be in a different relationship with this toxic dynamic.
Set a boundary. Start small.
In the past, it may have felt impossible to set boundaries with your high conflict parent. Narcissistic people often view their adult children as extensions of themselves. They view you as being of service to them.
So cut yourself some slack. It’s not easy.
You may even find that you are assertive in other areas of your life, yet struggle to say “no” to your difficult parent. That’s okay!
You are in the right place.
It’s okay to change your mind.
So you agreed to do something for your narcissistic parent, but now you are dreading it. Give yourself permission to change your mind and cancel. This is a small, attainable boundary.
More great ways to practice saying no:
Don’t pick up the phone right away.
Set a timer before you call them back.
Offer a compromise by setting a time limit on in-person visits.
Remember: You don’t have to apologize for saying no.
Reframe Situations Ahead of Time
You may have heard the worst from your parents.
“You don’t love me.”
“You don’t care about having me in your life”
I’ve experienced this first hand many times. It stings.
Whenever it happens, I end up questioning my own character and identity. This is something we want to reframe. Conflict is inevitable when you are dealing with a high-conflict narcissist. Though it is not impossible, it is unlikely this behavior is going to change.
Remember, this isn’t about you. This is a person with a mental health disorder.
Your mental health takes priority over trying to smooth things over with someone who is regularly “itching for a fight.”
Watch the video podcast on this topic.
Here to cheer your on your healing journey,
Anna
Anna Hollaender-Bird, LMFT
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist