Thank you to Andra Watkins for inviting me to this conversation about narcissism in government and how this climate plays out in dysfunctional family dynamics — and how we can use simple techniques to help avoid burnout.
Thank you also to everyone who tuned into our live video and have since joined my Substack — welcome!
How can you tell the difference between a difficult parent and a parent with narcissistic personality disorder?
While this is not a diagnostic tool, we have framed this information to be viewed as a spectrum of symptoms or traits that range from mild-to-severe.
Have you ever felt beat-down from your parents’ behavior?
Have you ever been in a moment of conflict with your parents where you think,
“how did I get here? I don’t argue with other people like this.”
Let’s say your parent is in a mood to give you compliments.
And the next day they call you names.
They may have an unrealistic expectation of what your relationship should look like.
Do they treat you like a surrogate spouse?
Do they assassinate your character?
Call you irresponsible and then act like it never happened?
Are your parents High Conflict Narcissist or just plain difficult?
Let’s look at Key Behavioral Symptoms:
Displays little-to-no remorse. Can you remember the last time they apologized for hurting your feelings?
Lack of empathy.
Easily angered. They talk about feeling betrayed frequently or get highly defensive.
Escalating moods.
Do you notice a repeating pattern of the aforementioned behaviors in your parents? Are you remembering 2-3 instances of this erratic behavior? You may recall a lifetime of countless examples.
A person with mild narcissistic traits may lack empathy at times.
For example, your sibling struggles with addiction, but your parents can’t seem to understand that addiction is a disease.
A more severe case could look like:
The parent berating their adult children.
Pitting siblings against each other.
Engaging in character assassination.
Making threats both passively and actively.
While there is no one-size-fits all model, I hope these examples give you a better idea of what may be going on with your difficult parent.
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